Motivation to Change « . The Dessert Years .

Motivation to Change

January was purely an arbitrary choice for the first month of the year. Said month was named by the Romans, after the god of beginnings and the guardian of doors and entrances — Janus. This Roman god was considered to have two faces: One on the front of his head and one on the back, with the ability to see backward and forward at the same time.

New Year resolutions usually have to do with physical changes (losing weight, stop smoking, change of job or home location) or a feel-good life-change (more time with friends or family, volunteering or other ways to “help others”). Perhaps that is the reason for the high likelihood said goals will be forgotten or receive little attention after the first week or two of January. Because these goals are ways people what to see themselves but obviously remain unmotivated (unwilling, not ready, wrong time) to change.

Which brings us to blame and guilt. Ah, yes, the primary categories of excuses and self-hatred. At some point in Life, we all set ourselves (and others) up for failure. We aspire to conquer in (hours! ) days or weeks, what took years to establish.

When we fail to attain the goals we claim (yes, claim) to want, we either blame external realities: money, other people and personal circumstances … Or, we beat ourselves up and end up drowning in the Sea of Loathing.

It has been my personal and professional experience that people claim they want to change more than they actually want to change. And I realize that may sound harsh to some (probably the same folks who claim they want to change). But it is true.

Before we can truly want to change, we must commit to “see backward and forward at the same time” … Personal assessment, forgiveness (toward self and others) and repentance (to change course) toward the direction of one’s dreams!

Change is an inside job.

It doesn’t actually depend as much on the external realities as it does upon what is going on between a person ears. Thoughts become actions, actions become habits … And habits are challenging to overcome!

I must admit that I have expressed my share of blame (and splashed around in the Sea of Loathing) as I have participated in (what I thought to be) change-motivation behavior for myself and for the people in my life: prodding, cajoling and speaking at high verbal octaves (read: nagging and yelling! ) to attain and/or sustain change.

But through time (and repeatedly participating in what I thought to be change-motivation behavior) I have learned how to move from claiming I want to change to wanting to change.