. The Dessert Years .

“Self-Portrait” (not my pic; can’t find the source)

Disclaimer: If you are having an unusually great day, or have the perfect family, feel free to skip this post. ‘Cause you just will not get it; it will merely sound like whine (without the cheese). And I am not interested in solutions right now (I have solutions but no one will listen! Including myself! I mean I listen, know, understand and then — I forget!). I am simply in need of letting off some steam — making a proclamation to myself. (BTW, THAT is called a vent for those of you with perfect families, having the unusually great day.)

There are times when simply screaming seems to make so much sense; however, when one is surrounded by “volunteer” workers it just doesn’t seem like the appropriate action. Said workers are not truly volunteers … More like semi-willing participants. And, did I mention they are all experienced in the area of lawn care and seem to be completely convinced that this Master Gardener has no clue of how to grow grass?

The really sad part of all that is that I have “smiled and nodded” to the point where I even have to resist urges to scream at the top of lungs (and/or until I have a stroke). Why am I so sure of what I want until one of my children says something to the contrary?? Or — worse — seems intent upon convincing me of their correctness.

This lawn thing, it is merely the proverbial straw that has sailed its way down to my broken back as I lay on the floor — exhausted to be living two lives (mine and that of a woman who forgot she cut the proverbial cords to her three children and is supposed to resuming her career and MBA).

I have pondered the realities of universes my three children live in for w-a-y too long! Who they are married to, will marry, are considering marrying; their college choices; their possible careers — their ability to sustain life without me! I have toiled over “what-if’s” and answered questions that I was never asked. (But should been … I mean, don’t they know about that well-known bit of wisdom: Mother knows best!?!!)

But, this morning, I have repented — come clean, faced the music, inhaled deeply the smell of the burning coffee. I have realized that my children are grown AND that any assistance I offer them is purely selfishly motivated AND completely unnecessary! Well, mostly …

They are extremely responsible young adults (well, at least one of them is! )and quite capable — or at least very well trained — to live their lives. Further, they do not want to add worry and tasks to my already busy days (as I resume my other career after unselfishly and tirelessly spending most of the past 18 years making it my priority to home-school, care, feed, nurture and clean up after them) and are quite willing (and waiting) to assist me/drive themselves into adulthood. Even further, I cut the cord with them long, long ago.

Um, or was that yesterday?

No matter — today is the day! The first day of the rest of my life! I am not responsible for everything! Nor do my children need a nanny (read: nagging and/or worrying mother) or a personal assistant!

There. I have made my declaration.

Have a nice day!

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. ~Erma Bombeck

Final Note: If you don’t know me personally, just know that this was a vent; it is over now; it was meant to be funny and read tongue-in-cheek. And, finally, if you think you have the perfect family — I would love to know what you are taking in order to continue living so near that big river in Egypt. ‘Cause I want some! Um, again, tongue-in-cheek! Mostly.

Image Credit

On the occasion I actually find a work of fiction I want to read, it becomes apparent that reading said book requires that I omit something else from my schedule.

While I realize this is an obvious fact for most, for right-brain thinkers it is a total and complete revelation; because — although this fact has been obvious at some point (and probably countless times!) for me — it remains a foreign concept. (Think: Every day is a new day! I have slept since said revelation … Ala Fifty First Dates sorta thang.)

Which brings me to today (and reading books) … Oddly enough, I continue to stand by my standard that I do not like routine (schedules, same ‘ol, same ‘ol) . However … once I establish such a sequencing of events — Life rocks!

I rock!

I literally dance (to the music in head) through the hours of my days; I read books, take walks, watch movies, exercise, enjoy my hobbies and special times my family and friends, work and academic projects are accomplished — I leap tall buildings … Well, maybe not that one.

So-o, back to routines, reminder lists and … a schedule (blocks in a box) — enveloped in Grace.

During my 2-mile-walk this morning (even as I talked/listened to DH — see, I told you I am right-brain dominant! ) I remembered (again!) that summer-time is my greatest challenge when it comes to a routine. Basically because I just want to dig in the dirt, play in my gardens and … well, be a gardener. Only a gardener!

• Note to self: Facing reality … That is a start in the direction I want to go.

I also remembered a book I want to finish reading, one that I want to start reading, that I need to set up a watering schedule for my gardens, that my PowerPoint presentation needs to finished this week (maybe next week??? :p ), that I need to set a meeting with a client and follow-up with another one, that bills have to be paid tomorrow and that I need to sign up for a workshop that is next week … Um, that lists are my friend.

I remembered that I don’t think I have time to blog but in the end — when I blog — it clears my mind of all this rubbish and puts oil on my ever-so squeaky wheels. It gives me words to how I am feeling, thus blocks on which to build (and junk to discard).

And … The reason I adore the image above is because another thing I enjoy — when I honor a gentle routine — is being a Nana to my friends’ little ones! We read-aloud wonderful books I haven’t read in years (because my “babies” are adults now!) and I even have the blessin’ of teaching them in a Charlotte Mason-style class!

So many books; so little time …

Oh, one last thing … Café mocha recipe (Haven’t tried this one yet but also remembered that I am hostess for an upcoming slumber party with friends, so we will be trying this recipe!)

It is perhaps the most humbling reality of this world to be blessed with friends who come alongside. Said friends dance with you, cry with you, confront you and prove to be closer than family (and less complicated! ) as they are close-in-heart.

And friends are different than family or mere acquaintances; friends are friends by choice. For reasons and seasons and episodes of Life, friends are who you share your hopes, your dreams and your chocolate!

This becomes is humbling because you realize there is Someone blessing you with them, guiding your path in order to meet these amazing people. He knows you and loves you and cares for you. He cares so much that when we presume to carry our own cares it “is the imagining that we are wiser than God” (Charles Spurgeon) …

And yet, try as we might, there are moments when we do bear the burden and imagine we are wiser than God when it comes to friends. As quickly as we let it go … Another wave of care sweeps over us. Especially true when we face the reality that life here does not go on forever.

… love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Today is one of the extremely few unstructured days I have had this year. (Well, except for being at the beach! ) It is delightful to simply move through a day with appointments, places to be or things to do.

This image is from my plane ride to the North Carolina shore. At that moment, I realized that I was “above it all” … Life was progressing, I was gettin’ to where I wanted to be — and I was free to move about the cabin.

Today is a day to move about the cabin … Knowing that I am getting there, even though I am simply being.

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. ~Beryl Pfizer

P.S. Happy Birthday, D. and B. AND J.!

Onslow County, North Carolina

There are instances within the fragility of life when you must stop and feel the pain of another person. As if to ease the weight of their suffering. There was a horrific tragedy this week for a family whose testimony and calling has impacted my life and the lives of my family. It is as though — because I have listened to the artist’s music and followed his love and service unto the LORD — I know them personally.

And although my eldest son and I were blessed to visit with him briefly during an event he hosted at a local book store, I don’t know personally. But I have prayed; I have wept. I have stopped and felt the pain.

In these moments I have remembered my own familial experiences when I didn’t understand, when I wondered, “Why?” and when I simply became angry or filled with despair because of circumstances labeled mere “accidents” … One such event occurred 18 years ago on this date.

If your days were numbered — and they are — how will you spend today? What would you do with the moments?

I keep these questions before me to remind me to live “on purpose” … To live with purpose.

Such an attitude cannot change the despair. But it does allow one to embrace the moments given.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. ~Proverbs 3:5, The Message

May Sky

Cirrus clouds are a sign of fair weather; the type of weather that graces my great state this time of the year …

Storms are gone and the season of Spring is being transformed into Summer. When my new plantings take root and sink their proverbial feet deep into the sandy, loamy soils of my gardens in order to endure the coming intense and consistent heat of an Oklahoma summer.

The high clouds in the skies yesterday kept my attention as I drove around for errands and onto my office. Then again as I drove home from my various meetings and projects — I found myself gazing upward when traffic snarls slowed the wheels of my journey homeward.

Once I was home, I tossed my keys and briefcase; I poured myself a tall, iced glass of cranberry-apple herbal tea, grabbed my camera and parked myself in my “observation chair” which faces my tree-canopied backyard … Where I enjoy quiet moments, times of stillness hidden away in my days.

From there I moved into the yard; snapping images of the “bows and flows of angel hair … and feather canyons everywhere …

Yes, two versions; then and later — couldn’t decide …

You must not blame me if I do talk to the clouds. ~Henry David Thoreau

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
~Jim Croce

Few are times when Life feels “just right” … As though everything is as it should be. During other times, Life seems to rip past — stealing those quiet moments simple doodles, dreaming … of just being. And yet said pace is full and invigorating. Other times it is as though goals and desires are ever-so-slowly coming to be — albeit at a snail’s pace! But that is O.K. because then one is able to savor the process, of getting there, of preparing for the change.

The day I captured the image posted here … everything was as it should have been. My days were filled with peaceful and renewing walks on the beach; my nights were enjoyed on the deck of the beach-side cabin chatting and reminiscing with my two eldest children (ages 26 and 20) or gently falling asleep to the soothing waves of sound from the ocean swaying over the sand …

Today I find myself vacillating between extremes and attempting to deal with priorities — instead of appeasing the urgent!

Just posting this as a mile marker on my journey …

And sipping a glass of the sweet and fine time in a bottle …

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I’d save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you
~Jim Croce

There are times when routines become derailed due to a wide variety of realities. It seems as though one’s proverbial life-puzzle has been moved around — or taken apart and put back into the box!

Said times can be blessings in disguise!

Consider this mode of thinking:

Instead of being more organized or controlling in your approach, allow for serendipity. Happy accidents happen when you look side to side or up, not always forward. Don’t stop planning. Rather step out of the tunnel. Put yourself in situations that allow for the unexpected. Life is situationally driven. Learning happens in context. Be ready when opportunities arise. The more space you’ve cleared in your life for something new, the more right things will happen. More or less. ~Marcia Conner

Serendipity. Happy coincidences — moments in time when you (although planning and moving forward) simply allow the flow of your life to take you through to the next step.

Two significant roles for me (mom and careerist) are in this “mode” … Space was cleared for something new and “right things” have happened. It has been sweet …

I have arrived home to gentle spring rains and a garden full of bloomin’ color! Missed my beloved (and youngest son and my little fluff) terribly! (But still had a fabulous time with our two oldest children! ) Our oceanside trip was truly filled with miracles and treasured moments.